My friends, they love my intelligence
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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