they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
