Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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