Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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