Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
As shirtless as possible
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
