...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
