your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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