i can't believe i had my finger in that
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
