Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She's just so happy...and so naked.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
