Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
do herpes really smell.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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