Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
