Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
