I hate all girls vehemently.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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