Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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