I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
