He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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