There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
4 words: hood of his car
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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