She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
