I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
