Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
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