I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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