So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
