I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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