saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
