I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
