If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
