Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
