if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize