So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
