It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize