There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
