this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
