I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
whose parrot is this?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
