I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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