That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Randomize
