Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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