8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
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Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
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I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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