it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
