you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
