I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
