he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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