idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
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I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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