I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
