do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
