so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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