so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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