i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
