I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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