Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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