I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
