can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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