I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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