Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
a search helicopter?!
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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