You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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