i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
