sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
