What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
