HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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