you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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