dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
