I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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