Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
