On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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