I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
