i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
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