I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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