my phone needs a breathalizer
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
