Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
